Yukio
Well-known member
Did he get the flowers and bananas, too? If so, he gets an A for effort!
Today's Chuckle
- Thread starter Nickie
- Start date
I group jacks with hopscotch and rubber band ropes. Girls were very dexterous with the jacks . Everyone had "chips" for hopscotch because their keys were attached together with this. And girls could show their athleticism with the rubber band ropes (is there a name for this) while wearing a dress, since they were not allowed to wear "pedal pushers" in school.
Not too late... you can tell him what a good time you had when you return and maybe buy him a lava lamp.I think I would have preferred the trip to a humid climate ha ha. Guess we were on different wavelengths
Farkvam
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Ha ha!
Canada Jim
Well-known member
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “because,” he said “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “because,” he said “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
magicspeller
Well-known member
Yes, caps! That's what I've been thinking all through this discussion.
Ukecaster
Well-known member
Sometimes lyrics get in the way of life
- Have you heard the rumor about butter? Never mind, I shouldn’t be spreading it.
- Did you know the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece!
- Why are colds bad criminals? They’re easy to catch.
- Do you want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It’s tearable.
- What do you call a fly without wings? A walk!
- What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing. They fast.
- What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
- Why don’t oysters donate to charity? They’re shellfish.
- What did the zebra say the first time he saw a piano? “Dad?”
- Two fish are in a tank. Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
- A company is making glass coffins. Whether they’re successful remains to be seen.
- What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
- Did you see the documentary about beavers? It was the best dam show I ever saw!
- Why did the baby cookie cry? Its mother was a wafer so long.
- What do you call a person with a briefcase in a tree? A branch manager.
- What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time!
- What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? “Aye, matey!”
- Did you hear about the beautiful wedding? Even the cake was in tiers.
- What kinds of pictures do hermit crabs take? Shellfies
Canada Jim
Well-known member
Thanks Joe T. We are playing an 80th birthday party in a few weeks and #18 is a line I'll have to use.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? “Aye, matey!”
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? “Aye, matey!”
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Canada Jim
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Voran
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Mwahahahaha! Thanks for making me laugh, I'm sick right now and getting really bored not being able to sing.
What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
What do you get a man with the heart of a lion? A lifetime ban from the zoo.
What did the teacher do with the student’s report on cheese? She grated it.
Which knight invented King Arthur’s Round Table? Sir Cumference.
What’s the action like at a circus? In-tents.
Did you hear about the mediocre restaurant on the moon? It has great food but no atmosphere.
What does a baby computer call its father? Data.
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.
What’s big, gray and doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side!
What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
What do you get a man with the heart of a lion? A lifetime ban from the zoo.
What did the teacher do with the student’s report on cheese? She grated it.
Which knight invented King Arthur’s Round Table? Sir Cumference.
What’s the action like at a circus? In-tents.
Did you hear about the mediocre restaurant on the moon? It has great food but no atmosphere.
What does a baby computer call its father? Data.
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.
What’s big, gray and doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side!
What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
Har! Incredibly corny, but they make me guffaw.
Ukecaster
Well-known member
Do you have that in TAB?
The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women
- Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.
- That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.
- Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1).
- Five Minutes - If getting dressed, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.)
- Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.
- Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)
- Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)
- Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)
“I always say ‘Morning’ instead of ‘Good Morning,’ because if it was a good morning, I would still be in my bed and not talking to people.”
“Some days you eat salads and go to the gym. Some days you eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. It’s called balance.”
“You can’t make somebody love you. You can only stalk them and hope for the best.”
“When I feel down and someone tells me to ‘suck it up,’ I get the urge to break their legs with a baseball bat and then say ‘walk it off.’”
“You think I’m cute when I’m angry? Well get ready, because I’m about to be gorgeous.”
“Some days you eat salads and go to the gym. Some days you eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. It’s called balance.”
“You can’t make somebody love you. You can only stalk them and hope for the best.”
“When I feel down and someone tells me to ‘suck it up,’ I get the urge to break their legs with a baseball bat and then say ‘walk it off.’”
“You think I’m cute when I’m angry? Well get ready, because I’m about to be gorgeous.”
Farkvam
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Ha ha ha ha!
INSULT QUOTES
“I’m actually not funny. I’m just mean and people think I’m joking.”
“I can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.”
“I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.”
“If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.”
“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
“Look officer, I’m not being a smartass. All I’m saying is, if you caught me, then you were speeding too.”
“Whoever told you to be yourself gave you really bad advice”
“Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”
“I’m actually not funny. I’m just mean and people think I’m joking.”
“I can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.”
“I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.”
“If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.”
“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
“Look officer, I’m not being a smartass. All I’m saying is, if you caught me, then you were speeding too.”
“Whoever told you to be yourself gave you really bad advice”
“Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.
Just kidding. You can hate me.
Just kidding. You can hate me.
