Overcoming an aversion to sharing

[BigJackBrass]

One of the biggest problems I've carried with me since I was a child is an unwillingness to embarrass myself. Better not to answer than to risk being laughed at. Better to give up than to make mistakes along the way. It's an impossible thing to expect progress and improvement without false steps, or the finished thing not matching what was in my head, but there we are. Over the years I've found it absurdly hard to overcome.

After deleting an hour of horrendous takes I finally decided to stick with the last one, regardless of mistakes, resulting in an entirely awful video of me playing "If I Had You" on the ukulele. I'm taking lessons (via group Zoom calls) with Sage Harrington, and intellectually I know that I need to share my problems and progress in order to get any help… but it's so hard to do.

Just uploaded the video to the group's WhatsApp discussion. I shall now be burning all of my ukuleles and escaping to the Peruvian hills to become a hermit.

 

[Mike $]

Have fun in Peru, I haven't been there, but I'd love to see Machu Picchu.

 

[BigJackBrass]

Have fun in Peru, I haven't been there, but I'd love to see Machu Picchu.

Thanks. Alpaca suitcase.

 

[FatherMother]

The first "embarrassment" is probably the worst one and the hardest one. And, while you're packing for your escape to the hills, everyone else is probably thinking "yes! This is a great start and it only gets better from here!"
I have to perform with my students sometimes and I don't always have time to practice. At this point, I figure it might be good for them to see that their teacher can make mistakes, too, and it's all about how you carry on after it. I mean, we're people, we can't be perfect all of the time.
Congrats and props to you.

 

[TaoCat]

I have no doubt you sound much better than you think, but it's really hard to overcome the dread of playing in front of others. I do fine on harmonica, but if I'm playing a stringed instrument solo within earshot of other people, I'm bound to forget the piece, or even where my fingers go. I haven't recorded myself in a long time for fear I sound even worse than I think while I'm playing the piece.

Congratulations on facing your fear down enough to share your work. It couldn't have been easy. I'll hope for some positive feedback for you,, so it may be easier to share for you in the future.

 

[John Colter]

I can relate fully to your plight. I hate making recordings because I find my own playing and singing to be much worse than I hope for. However, when I perform live, people comment very favourably. So I am quite prepared to play in informal gatherings or even for an audience, but I avoid making recordings or videos.

I know it's daft but that's how I deal with the situation.

 

[Kenn2018]

I have never heard a perfect live performance on any instrument. Including the ukulele.

One way to start getting comfortable is to play with a group of other ukers. The more the better. You can play softly at first. Then louder as your confidence grows.

Make recording for your self to critique. Keep one or two then re-listen to it after a year & two years. You'll be amazed at how much you have improved.

Polls have shown that the biggest fear most people have is to give a speech in public in front of an audience. So you are not alone.

 

[Graham Greenbag]

One of the biggest problems I've carried with me since I was a child is an unwillingness to embarrass myself. Better not to answer than to risk being laughed at. Better to give up than to make mistakes along the way. It's an impossible thing to expect progress and improvement without false steps, or the finished thing not matching what was in my head, but there we are. Over the years I've found it absurdly hard to overcome.

After deleting an hour of horrendous takes I finally decided to stick with the last one, regardless of mistakes, resulting in an entirely awful video of me playing "If I Had You" on the ukulele. I'm taking lessons (via group Zoom calls) with Sage Harrington, and intellectually I know that I need to share my problems and progress in order to get any help… but it's so hard to do.

Just uploaded the video to the group's WhatsApp discussion. I shall now be burning all of my ukuleles and escaping to the Peruvian hills to become a hermit.

First, before all else, I - and no doubt others - would like to thank you for sharing ‘your’ problem with us; though to be fair it’s not really ‘your‘ problem but ‘ours’ as so very many of us suffer from it. Second, let me congratulate you on overcoming a hurdle to post a video.

Over the years - well decades - I’ve battled similar concerns to yours, quite a lot of progress has been made but from a low base. Some things that have helped me:
# progress slowly, in tiny steps.
# don’t attempt anything that you consider big now (take small steps) but do look back on the smaller things that you once thought large.
# practise and make your practise sessions enjoyable.
# when you play to others then let it be to folk who are either friendly to you or unimportant to you.
# when you make a mistake - we all do - then don’t waste mental effort on it but, instead, focus on what’s happening now and next. You can’t bring mistakes back, mostly they’re inconsequential, and the best that you can hope for it to make less of them.
# give yourself permission to be imperfect.
# not everything that we do will be perfect; embrace imperfection and learn what you can from it.
# give not a moment‘s thought to comments that are anything less than constructive criticism. Folk that don’t pass useful comment are no help to you, you didn’t intend to play to them and they don’t deserve to hear what you have to offer - disempower others.

Good luck with your onward journey and congrats on what you’re achieving.

 

[DownUpDave]

In all endeavors in life we are our harshest critics, we all are. My playing partner has a great voice, everyone compliments him but he can be very critical of himself.

Remember........progress.......not perfection

 

[Joyful Uke]

Don't burn those ukuleles! Take them with you to the hills where no one can hear you play them.

I admire your willingness to push forward with sharing the video in spite of your discomfort in doing so.

I have not been able to overcome the same hurdle, so no one but my dogs have heard me play. I haven't recorded myself not only due to lack of appropriate recording equipment, (easily resolved if I wanted to), but also because it makes me nervous just to think about it. But hopefully some day I'll follow in your footsteps and at least be able to record something so I can listen to myself.

Anyway, congratulations at overcoming a problem that many of us share.

 

[ploverwing]

I add my hearty congratulations and echo Graham's comments:

First, before all else, I - and no doubt others - would like to thank you for sharing ‘your’ problem with us; though to be fair it’s not really ‘your‘ problem but ‘ours’ as so very many of us suffer from it. Second, let me congratulate you on overcoming a hurdle to post a video.

I couldn't have expressed it better, so I'll just copy it

 

[Nickie]

I have never heard a perfect live performance on any instrument. Including the ukulele.

One way to start getting comfortable is to play with a group of other ukers. The more the better. You can play softly at first. Then louder as your confidence grows.

Make recording for your self to critique. Keep one or two then re-listen to it after a year & two years. You'll be amazed at how much you have improved.

Polls have shown that the biggest fear most people have is to give a speech in public in front of an audience. So you are not alone.

I got over that by telling jokes. It works, and people love it.
Once you make em laugh, they'll let you do anything. Well, almost....

 

[Nickie]

Don't burn those ukuleles! Take them with you to the hills where no one can hear you play them.

I admire your willingness to push forward with sharing the video in spite of your discomfort in doing so.

I have not been able to overcome the same hurdle, so no one but my dogs have heard me play. I haven't recorded myself not only due to lack of appropriate recording equipment, (easily resolved if I wanted to), but also because it makes me nervous just to think about it. But hopefully some day I'll follow in your footsteps and at least be able to record something so I can listen to myself.

Anyway, congratulations at overcoming a problem that many of us share.

The best, and most fun way to get beyond this, is playing in an ukulele jam session. No one judges anyone.

 

[ripock]

But Jack needs to be judged. I think he needs to put his ego away, record in one take, submit it, and take his lumps. In a very short amount of time, he will no longer be receiving lumps. And I am not saying this condescendingly as someone on top of the mountain looking down at a neophyte. Brad Bordessa told me the same thing and, as yet, I haven't had the inclination or courage to do it.

 

[Bill Sheehan]

I think a lot of the pressure we put on ourselves springs from the assumption that the ukulele (or any instrument really) only has value in the context of "performing for others."

As I get older, I've come to truly enjoy just learning and tinkering for the pure fun of it, here in my little apartment, with no need to feel like it has to be in preparation for some kind of performance.

Mind you, I have done plenty of public performing, going all the way back to 1969. A good friend always told me that "it would be a shame to keep the light of your gift under a bushel basket, hidden from others," and that such gifts were meant to be shared. Although that sounded good, I'm not so sure it's right for everyone.

The fact was that, for the most part, I did indeed want to perform for others, whether solo or as part of a band, so I was willing to contend with the anxiety and stagefright-related aspects of that. And I've been blessed to have done tons of gigs along the way.

But nowadays, I've come to believe that it's 100% okay to pursue an instrument (with or without singing) for no other reason than to appreciate the beautiful sounds it can make, and the relaxation and personal enjoyment it can provide-- and to just leave it right there. Performance, while great, is not essential. And a non-performing musician shouldn't be regarded as less "valid" than a performing musician.

 

[ChaosLibrarian]

One of the biggest problems I've carried with me since I was a child is an unwillingness to embarrass myself. Better not to answer than to risk being laughed at. Better to give up than to make mistakes along the way. It's an impossible thing to expect progress and improvement without false steps, or the finished thing not matching what was in my head, but there we are. Over the years I've found it absurdly hard to overcome.

After deleting an hour of horrendous takes I finally decided to stick with the last one, regardless of mistakes, resulting in an entirely awful video of me playing "If I Had You" on the ukulele. I'm taking lessons (via group Zoom calls) with Sage Harrington, and intellectually I know that I need to share my problems and progress in order to get any help… but it's so hard to do.

Just uploaded the video to the group's WhatsApp discussion. I shall now be burning all of my ukuleles and escaping to the Peruvian hills to become a hermit.

Oh my brother in self-consciousness I feel this in my bones! I live in terror of screwing up in front of others. Learning the uke has helped me offer myself some grace, but I still cringe inwardly at every single mistake. It's a process, but I've convinced myself its a necessary one. Living in terror is no way to live!

 

[Nickie]

But Jack needs to be judged. I think he needs to put his ego away, record in one take, submit it, and take his lumps. In a very short amount of time, he will no longer be receiving lumps. And I am not saying this condescendingly as someone on top of the mountain looking down at a neophyte. Brad Bordessa told me the same thing and, as yet, I haven't had the inclination or courage to do it.

I disagree. Some people don't take well to "lumps". They might never get onstage again. I probably wouldn't. Several years ago, I was about a year or two into playing ukulele. At a party at MY condo, a guest complained about my playing. I never invited her again. She ruined a good friendship.

 

[Nickie]

I think a lot of the pressure we put on ourselves springs from the assumption that the ukulele (or any instrument really) only has value in the context of "performing for others."

As I get older, I've come to truly enjoy just learning and tinkering for the pure fun of it, here in my little apartment, with no need to feel like it has to be in preparation for some kind of performance.

Mind you, I have done plenty of public performing, going all the way back to 1969. A good friend always told me that "it would be a shame to keep the light of your gift under a bushel basket, hidden from others," and that such gifts were meant to be shared. Although that sounded good, I'm not so sure it's right for everyone.

The fact was that, for the most part, I did indeed want to perform for others, whether solo or as part of a band, so I was willing to contend with the anxiety and stagefright-related aspects of that. And I've been blessed to have done tons of gigs along the way.

But nowadays, I've come to believe that it's 100% okay to pursue an instrument (with or without singing) for no other reason than to appreciate the beautiful sounds it can make, and the relaxation and personal enjoyment it can provide-- and to just leave it right there. Performance, while great, is not essential. And a non-performing musician shouldn't be regarded as less "valid" than a performing musician.

Playing for oneself is just as valuable as playing for others. Being onstage isn't for everyone. It's work, we rehearse together about 15 hours for each one hour performance, free or paid. Bill, I agree 100%, your enjoyment is just as important as anyone else's.
I started playing to make my hospice patients more comfortable, but that isn't everyone's reason. Nor should it be.
Why we play isn't really anyone else's biz, unless we want it to be. And that is the beauty of this forum.

 

[Pirate Jim]

 

[Bill Sheehan]

Playing for oneself is just as valuable as playing for others. Being onstage isn't for everyone. It's work, we rehearse together about 15 hours for each one hour performance, free or paid. Bill, I agree 100%, your enjoyment is just as important as anyone else's.
I started playing to make my hospice patients more comfortable, but that isn't everyone's reason. Nor should it be.
Why we play isn't really anyone else's biz, unless we want it to be. And that is the beauty of this forum.

You got it, Nickie!