A golden rule for humor…

[SleepyheadRooster]

In another part of this forum I read a post that was probably (mildly?) insulting to others who might have read it. I’m not calling anyone out or starting an argument. But I think the person thought they were being funny. They weren’t. I used to do the same kind of thing and had to learn the hard way that it isn’t funny to make others feel bad. We all live and learn… hopefully.

It reminded me of this short and excellent video:

My Golden Rule for Jokes by Brendan Leonard

 

[Renaissance-Man]

Excellent post, @SleepyheadRooster

I feel the same way. There are several threads, and a few people, who I have on my ignore list for the simple reason that there's something that was said that I know would offend someone here. I don't like to see it, or read it. It's not pleasant.

The video link you provided was also excellent. I'm embedding it again.

 

[TBB]

That’s a really excellent video.

. I used to do the same kind of thing and had to learn the hard way that it isn’t funny to make others feel bad

I think learning to take other people’s feelings into account is a fundamental part of growing up into a decent human being, but some people just never get it.

Like @Renaissance-Man I’m a fan of the ignore button, it helps keeps my blood pressure down!

 

[Graham Greenbag]

In another part of this forum I read a post that was probably (mildly?) insulting to others who might have read it. I’m not calling anyone out or starting an argument. But I think the person thought they were being funny. They weren’t. I used to do the same kind of thing and had to learn the hard way that it isn’t funny to make others feel bad. We all live and learn… hopefully.

It reminded me of this short and excellent video:

My Golden Rule for Jokes by Brendan Leonard

To me it’s really interesting that you have started this thread. A few months back I began to wonder about some of the jokes made on the forum and whether they actually were humorous or, whether intentionally or not, something less desirable.

I don’t agree with the golden rule suggested by Brendan, it seems far too prescriptive to me and lacking in courage. On the other hand I think it a good start point from which one could cautiously venture. Within limits I find nothing wrong with laughing at others who are not in my group and people have been doing that for generations. What’s really needed is mindfulness not to cause unintended offence (setting aside the super sensitive) - in general we should be laughing with people who are in other groups rather than at them - and awareness that humour is - and always has been - a valid tool with which to challenge poor behaviours and to expose injustice … there are times when it’s OK make a point or two through humour.

 

[Mike $]

Some people are easily offended, but worse than that are people who are offended on behalf of others, whether those "others" are offended or not...I bet you I am heavily ignored on this site, but I'm not offended by that.

 

[SleepyheadRooster]

To me it’s really interesting that you have started this thread. A few months back I began to wonder about some of the jokes made on the forum and whether they actually were humorous or, whether intentionally or not, something less desirable.

I don’t agree with the golden rule suggested by Brendan, it seems far too prescriptive to me and lacking in courage. On the other hand I think it a good start point from which one could cautiously venture. Within limits I find nothing wrong with laughing at others who are not in my group and people have been doing that for generations. What’s really needed is mindfulness not to cause unintended offence (setting aside the super sensitive) - in general we should be laughing with people who are in other groups rather than at them - and awareness that humour is - and always has been - a valid tool with which to challenge poor behaviours and to expose injustice … there are times when it’s OK make a point or two through humour.

Some good points. Maybe the phrase “unnecessarily diminish other people” could fit in here.

I agree that there are times when humor can be used to make an important point and that the target may not be self-inclusive. There are deserving targets.

Having read and seen some of Brendan Leonard’s work, I think he’d actually agree.

It’s more the casual, unnecessary insult or diminishing of others that I find to be a problem and far too common. “Hey let’s make fun of them at their expense.” No, thanks.

 

[Charles Guy]

most of my humor is self deprecating for the very reason that it doesn't offend others. Like my standard line that even though people don't find me handsome they remember me as humorous to be around.

I always ask that people let me know if I did offend or make them uncomfortable with something I said. Same in my posts, please let me know if I did so.

Lots of present day humor on tv and other platforms does offend me for various reasons which is why I don't watch, listen, or read it.

 

[Charles Guy]

Some people are easily offended, but worse than that are people who are offended on behalf of others, whether those "others" are offended or not...I bet you I am heavily ignored on this site, but I'm not offended by that.

Perfectly stated and 100% agree with your thought.

 

[TBB]

Some people are easily offended, but worse than that are people who are offended on behalf of others, whether those "others" are offended or not...I bet you I am heavily ignored on this site, but I'm not offended by that.

This is undoubtedly true, and it’s pretty tedious. But I don’t think it changes the fact that it’s generally a good idea to consider the feelings of the butt of your jokes, particularly if the joke itself is rather cruel and the “butt” is likely to be exposed to it.

Also, it’s not that difficult to consider who your audience are. This is a rather gentle ukulele forum, I made jokes on twitter (ah, those were the days) that would have had me banned from here before you could say “ookelele”, obviously they were hilarious, but there’s a time and a place imo.

(By the way, I don’t know about anyone else but personally I’m not talking about the “chuckle” thread. I’ve never seen anything nasty or cruel on there - but then again, who knows what the people on my ignored list are saying )

 

[Renaissance-Man]

Some people are easily offended, but worse than that are people who are offended on behalf of others, whether those "others" are offended or not...I bet you I am heavily ignored on this site, but I'm not offended by that.

I sincerely hope you're not trying to twist my words or message. If so, yes, I am offended. If I misunderstood, I'm sorry.

 

[SleepyheadRooster]

Some people are easily offended, but worse than that are people who are offended on behalf of others, whether those "others" are offended or not...I bet you I am heavily ignored on this site, but I'm not offended by that.

Some people look for opportunities to be offended, no doubt. We all have our issues.

There's a saying that goes something like, “Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.” What I’ve observed over the years is that those who like to dish it out the most almost always seem to have trouble taking it. It’s almost a guarantee. Their expectation that others have thick skin doesn’t hold up so well when the tables are turned and they become the butt of the joke. I’ve seen that over and over and over…

I do agree that there is a place for satire and humor to prove a point. I also think that it is an almost entirely different subject.

I can’t think of casual humor that simply laughs at or insults “others” as being funny. To me, that sort of humor points more to the insecurity and lack of sensitivity of the person making the joke. And I say that as someone who (especially as a younger person) has put himself in that position a few too many times. Lessons learned the hard way.

 

[kkimura]

That lacking visual clues as to how my written comments are being interpreted, I can only hope that if I offend anyone for any reason they will contact me privately so I can learn why I need to apologise.

 

[LorenFL]

There's often a fuzzy line between funny and offensive. And it doesn't have to be as clearly defined as all that.

Sometimes, a person might say something that could be seen as offensive by some (maybe even me), and I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. But, if they CONSISTENTLY make those kind of jokes, they they are clearly telling you what kind of person they are and you should act accordingly.

Sometimes, people are REALLY good at walking right past the line, and they know they're doing it, but the payoff is there because they are truly funny in the end. Typically, those people are professional comedians, not forum posters.

In any group that I'm in charge of, I simply stress one rule: "Don't be a dick." It really shouldn't require any explanation.

 

[rainbow21]

It feels good to make a good joke... and get the likes.

But rude and crude have no place. Perhaps a "rule of thumb" is that it should be appropriate for mixed company: your mother and your daughter.

 

[TBB]

It feels good to make a good joke... and get the likes.

But rude and crude have no place. Perhaps a "rule of thumb" is that it should be appropriate for mixed company: your mother and your daughter.

Or your father and your son?